I Am Alive

I keep a mental check list to remind my self to make an account for the day and recognize that I am alive in a wild and unpredictable world. It is not a hard task. It is something simple anyone can do. It goes like this:

I am awake, in my bed, in my house and that is very good.  I have somewhere to lay down - it doesn't matter how I slept. I have a roof and bed.

I have breakfast, it doesn't vary much - oatmeal, cereal and on occasion I will go wild and fix a hot breakfast. Again I am awake and fed and I am thankful. Right now mostly for coffee.

I go to work, I have provision. The job is good/bad, rewarding/frustrating, meaningful/maddening all rolled into one. Sometimes it is hard to tell what is good. My manager is a crazy maker, passive/aggressive, perfectionist/control freak who micro manages every detail of our day. Everyday it is a struggle to find peace in this environment but I do - sometimes better than others. But for now I am going to work and I am thankful.

Today I have driven through canyons, desert areas and mountains. I have been in and out of rain storms. I have seen snow in the mountains. I have seen unbelievable views of sunshine breaking through valley floors. In short I am not distracted from the beauty that surrounds me.

I am on my way to meet a 16 year old girl in Juvenile Detention. It is painful to see so many youth incarcerated. Many of these kids have no parents they are wards of the state. I am awake, nourished, provided for and I have witnessed creation at its finest but I also am made of aware of the suffering of life. It is all good together in some mysterious way. One cannot exist without the other.

I think of Nepal throughout the day and the miracle that a 101 year old is pulled from the rubble. I know basic necessities like food, shelter, and provision will be hard to come by for the people of Nepal for some time. Somehow they will find life is good in the maddening destruction and the balance of life will be restored. This story repeats itself throughout all lifetime. It is a mystery.

I think of my mother whose dementia is overtaking her life. It is hard facing death but losing someone who is living is very hard. I am still thankful for the day even if parts are very hard.

Some people find the existence of God impossible. I find the thought of God being nonexistent utterly improbable. Everything today has reminded me of God's presence. It is the only reason I can be thankful in the midst of so many different realities that span the prism of joy and pain. Only God can hold both of those together in a purposeful way.

I suppose I do my mental check list each day to remind my self how daily God is. Joy nor sorrow define my day. Finding God in the ordinary occurrences of life defines my day. And I am thankful.